Mr. Fun

CODE BREAKER: We have a winner!

Last week’s reader-game featured a cipher that occurred to me as I was researching the Friday 5 feature on getting more out of your cell phone.

The more I text-messaged, the more I realized that I was starting to think about individual letters and punctuation as numbers and combinations (for more on how to type with a cell phone key pad, see today’s Friday 5). Hence: To type “Dan,” I’d have to press the 3 key once, the 2 key once and the 6 key twice.

Which made me realize that a cell phone could be used as a key for a simple substitution code: “Dan” would become “3.1 2.1 6.2.” A zero represents a space (just as it does on a cell phone) and a number without a decimal represents the number of times you have to press the 1 key to get the desired punctuation. So: 3.1 2.1 6.2 0 4.3 7.4 0 2.1 0 4.1 3.2 3.2 5.2 1 equals “Dan is a geek.” How true.

Once you understand what the code is, deciphering it is simple. But recognizing it? Not so easy, proving once again that life is all in how you look at things. To help, I left a few rhyming clues on the site.

The winner? Beau Inabinet, an attorney with Pierce, Herns, Sloan & McLeod. The answer? “Friday is puzzle day!”

Inabinet originally thought it was a mathematical sequence, used one of my clues to rule that out, then cracked the code at 3:25 p.m. Monday.

THIS WEEK’S GAME: Use this cell phone code to come up with the most difficult-to-type sentence. Your sentence may contain as many as four words, and no word may be longer than four letters. Send your sentences, along with the number of key-taps required to write it, to me, Dan, by Wednesday morning.

7.1 8.2 9.4 9.4 5.3 3.2

3.3 7.3 4.3 3.1 2.1 9.3 0 4.3 7.4 0 7.1 8.2 9.4 9.4 5.3 3.2 0 3.1 2.1 9.3 1

Winners!

Last week’s experiment... um, uh, I mean caption contest... invoked one of the great recurring themes of modern literature: two women, on a couch, with a viking.

The complexity of this situation is fraught with emotional peril. Whatever could these women be saying about the viking? What is their personal connection to him? What do they feel about this strangely imposing man, about their relationships, their feminine self-concepts, about the French presidential elections?

Yes, there was a tremendous amount of post-modern ennui bound up in last week’s cartoon. And since, being a guy, I was incapable of comprehending any of it, I passed along the duty of judging this week’s entries to Harriet McLeod of Good Morning Lowcountry anonymity.

“But my sense of humor is too quirky,” she said.

“That’s OK,” I told her. “I’m just looking for someone else to blame when people call up to complain about not being picked.”

Here, then, are Harriet’s honorable mentions:

First, another item from repeat Fun & Games offender Jeff “Where’s My T-Shirt?” Jacobs of the IOP: “He’s just mad because I’m making him take me to the movies and tonight’s his night to plunder with the boys.”

Our next runner up comes from Ginger Lockwood of Charleston: “Well, who’d you expect to meet on ‘LoveWarriors.com?’” Yes, who, indeed?

And finally, here’s this week’s winner, which came via e-mail from Carolyn May of Summerville:

“This is Harold’s anti-metro sexual look.”

Very nice, Carolyn.

Read the rest of the entries here.

Two contests, two winners

Last week we asked you to get all clever and write an epitaph for a recently deceased celebrity, and you responded with several T-shirt-worthy entries.

Previous contest winners had some great offerings, like this one from Jeff Jacobs of the Isle of Palms, who eulogized a recently deceased cartoonist:

Johnny Hart
Know what he did?
What if we said
Wizard of Id?

And we really liked this tribute to The Godfather of Soul, as submitted by Susan Murray:

Here lies the late James Brown
He can’t get up, but could he get down!

Murray’s entry looked like the sure winner for this week’s contest, but a late submission by the prolific Jacobs snagged the island wit yet another title. Here’s this week’s winner, which combines recent news with the death of a beloved Hawaiian singer:

Unlike Mr. Imus
this man had no foe
Here lies Don
the world famous Ho

Now we’ll admit to being biased against poor Mr. Jacobs. We’d like to spread the love around a bit more, but that’s just really too clever to pass up.

IN RELATED CONTEST NEWS, we’re also pleased to announce a winner to our one-sentence Charleston movie-pitch contest, which we held over last week with honorable mentions but no clear winner.

The pitch-contest title goes to Ms. Murray, who in addition to eulogizing James Brown also sent us this pithy, punny movie concept:

Welcome Back CARTA: As gas prices climb with no end in sight, Charleston’s struggling public transportation system makes a comeback.

Finally, a public service reminder: All entries must be submitted via e-mail or snail mail. Blog comments, telephone messages and creative smoke signals are welcomed for their entertainment value, but will not be considered as valid entries.

We're just trying to be fair to y'all, while respecting what's left of our own sanity.

No decision: One-line movie pitch contest continues

As the rambling experiment that is Fun & Games lurched into its second month, we encountered one of those moments when reasonable people simply stop, shrug their shoulders and ask, “Well, what the heck do we do now?”

The conundrum concerns our fifth reader contest, in which we asked you to send us a funny, one-sentence pitch for a movie related to Charleston. We were hoping for a bunch of wickedly clever one-liners, based on local themes. For example:

RETURN OF THE SPOLETIANS: “They kicked him out of town once, but now Nigel Redden’s back -- and he’s bringing culture to the masses at the business-end of an untraceable Tech-9 automatic!”

But it didn’t catch on. Maybe it had something to do with Easter weekend. Maybe the idea was just too obscure. Maybe y’all just thought the entire idea was too stupid for words. Whatever the reason, our one-line movie pitch contest flopped like “Gigli” at a drive-in.

Not that we didn’t get some very clever entries... once we started begging, anyway. We particuarly liked this one, submitted by local blogger Janet Lee:

“A local Charlestonian finds herself at the center of a new secession movement after being found not guilty for drowning a Yankee transplant in a bowl of shrimp and grits due to the Yankee’s excessive complaints about the humidity in August, setting off an even more Recent Unpleasantness.”

And there’s this one from blogger Chuck Boyd, who retired from The P&C a few years back:

THE LIFE OF O’REILLY: “A newly-elected mayor with a familiar name confuses voters, who then decide ‘oh, what the heck’ when the new mayor, a native of Buffalo, gets a good deal on snow plows and expands beach renourishment to win hearts on The Edge of America.”

However, with fewer than a dozen entries, it just seemed... well, premature to declare a winner. So the one-sentence movie pitch contest continues, in search of that perfect, funny line. If you’ve got it, please e-mail it to conover AT postandcourier DOT com.

Write an epitaph

As the great philosopher Steve Martin once said, “Some people have a way with words. Others... not have way!” How true that its (wink, wink).

But just because some of us wrestle with our eloquent angels in life doesn’t mean we can’t be profound in death, or at least in our final worldly expression. Epitaphs are an underappreciated form of literature, with unexplored possibilities for clever expression.

Consider this one, found in a graveyard in Ruidoso, N.M.:

Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising

Or this classic from Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Az., where Wells Fargo agent Lester Moore found his final resting place:

Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les
No More

Your mission this week: Write a clever epitaph for a dearly departed of the recent celebrity class. E-mail your entry to conover AT postandcourier DOT com, or send it vai snail-mail to Dan Conover, The Post and Courier, 134 Columbus St., Charleston, SC 29403. Entries must be received by Tuesday at 5 p.m.

One-line movie pitch contest

Drop the phrase “log line” in conversation around the Lowcountry and you’re likely to collect a number of vaguely befuddled expressions of sympathy.

Not so in Hollywood, where a log line is defined as a one-sentence pitch for a movie or TV series.
Apparently everyone in California keeps at least one sharply honed log line at the ready, just in case they’re ever trapped in an elevator with Steven Speilberg. Or so we are told.

For example, the log line for Speilberg’s classic “ET” might be: “A lonely little boy finds a stranded alien and defies shadowy government authorities to help the sweet extraterrestrial get back to its home planet.” And the log line for Paul Verhoeven’s classic “Showgirls” might be: “That girl from ‘Saved By The Bell’ takes her clothes of.” And so on.

This week’s mission: Send us your best (and by best, we mean funniest) log-line for an as-yet unproduced (and most likely unproduceable) movie that is somehow related to Charleston.

Entries may be e-mailed to conover AT postandcourier DOT com. To be considered for this week’s contest, we must receive your entry by 5 p.m. on Tuesday. Entries will be listed here, and at least one lucky winner will receive one of our elusive “Too Much Time On My Hands” T-shirts.

Reader riddle? Two winners

Last week we hit you with this Lowcountry landmark riddle:

Beyond the realm of gray and blue,
the last to stand since 1902,
is now best seen
from an Ohio city
and planted round with flowers (pretty!).
They moved it once to a better spot
and now for weddings it is hot.
Dividing oaks from great green lawn
and daily life from past long gone.

Exactly two of you figured out which Charleston location we had in mind, and both of them did it on Friday. The first was Amanda Graham Barton, a local landscape architect who used to work with the Charleston Department of Parks. She nailed it right off and filed her entry at 2:17 p.m.

Later that evening, Sam Witherspoon of Mount Pleasant also chipped in with the correct answer, which is...

The bandstand/gazebo at Hampton Park!

How did they know? Let’s decipher that riddle:

Beyond the realm of gray and blue: Tricky, but we’re talking about The Citadel and not some Civil War monument. That would be cadet gray and Citadel blue...

...the last to stand since 1902: Here’s the biggest clue of all, but only if you’re familiar with South Carolina Interstate and West Indian Exposition, a world’s fair that opened along the banks of the Ashley on land owned by Frederick W. Wagener (think Wagener Terrace) in December 1901 and ran through June 1902. The elaborate facades of its temporary buildings faded quickly and were soon demolished. The bandstand is the last standing structure at Hampton Park leftover from the expo, although the duck pond is also an artifact.

...is now best seen from an Ohio city: Cleveland Street, to be exact. If you look up Cleveland Street from its intersection with Rutledge Avenue, the bandstand is framed by oaks.

They moved it once to a better spot: During the run of the expo, the bandstand was located closer to what is now The Citadel.

...and now for weddings it is hot: The bandstand is also a favorite for large families holding annual reunions.

Dividing oaks from great green lawn...: In front of the bandstand is a lawn that runs down to the intersection of Cleveland Street and Mary Murray Drive, in the back, an avenue of oaks that leads to the pond.

Reader contest: A geo-riddle

This week’s reader game doesn’t have a prize, but we’ll publish the names of everyone who solves it.
Your mission: decipher the clues in this riddle to identify a Charleston landmark.

Beyond the realm of gray and blue,
the last to stand since 1902,
is now best seen
from an Ohio city
and planted round with flowers (pretty!).
They moved it once to a better spot
and now for weddings it is hot.
Dividing oaks from great green lawn
and daily life from past long gone.

E-mail your answer with the subject line “RIDDLE CONTEST” to [email protected], or mail it to Dan Conover, The Post and Courier, 134 Columbus St., Charleston, SC 29403. Entries must be received by Tuesday at 5 p.m. to be included among next week’s winners.

Friday, 4:50 p.m. UPDATE: The first person to correctly solve the riddle was Amanda Graham Barton, who sent her answer to us at 2:17 p.m.

We've got a winner!

Last week’s reader interactive game sounded innocent enough: We asked you to take 15 postal codes and use two or more of them at a time (along with whatever other letters you needed) to create as many English words as you could think up. Several of you submitted very nice entries, some of them totaling dozens of words.

But then every last one of them got crushed methodically into dust by the linguistic blitzkrieg that is former state Sen. Sherry Martschink.

Martschink took those 15 postal codes and turned them -– by my estimation -– into 3,635 words. I’m not even going to count them, much less verify them, because her entry came single-spaced and took up 33 pages. She attached a note: “I'm sure there are more words out there, but I got tired.” Right. Click here to download her list in all its glory.

While Martschink clearly used a computer to complete her assault on the Fun & Games record book, the first five pages of her entry appear to have been done off the top of her head, which she confirmed when I asked her.

“I did well over 100 words before thinking I might use the computer, then looked back at the rules to see if there was any mention of not using the Internet (not that it could really be enforced.)” Far be it from us to stand on technicalities -- particularly when it comes to a woman like Martschink, whose idea of a happy retirement is getting a degree from the Charleston School of Law and working for the Steinberg Law Firm in Summerville.

Special shout-outs to Michael Teal of Mount Pleasant, who submitted a 75-word entry at 8:38 Saturday morning, and to Judith Lunsford of Mount Pleasant, who compiled a list of 112 words by hand.

Finally, congratulations to my sister, Dawn Adams of Straits, N.C., who found 237 words, including my favorite: “Basilisk” (Illinois and Kansas), which nobody else thought up. But sorry, honey: Family members aren’t eligible for our coveted “Too Much Time On My Hands” T-shirts.