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April 20, 2007

Comments

Daniel

Y'all crack me up...

"No Agnes, your baby will not have horns." -- David Planton, Mount Pleasant.

***

"Honey, wouldn't you like a traditional wedding?"

or

"Buy the car now, then date the salesman later."

both by Paulette Seabrook, Summerville.

***

"Mom, I know you're a Panthers fan, but he loves me." -- Lenny Branch, Mount Pleasant.

***

"...And so I filled out the E-Harmony questionaire and Olaf was my perfect match!" -- Susanne Banks, Johns Island.

***
"The last thing your father said was, 'She can't marry him!!! Who would fear "Sven the Horrible'!!!"

or

" You should not have told him you were rooting for Green Bay because you think Brett Farve is cute."

both from David Hubbard, Mount Pleasant.

***

"I told the escort service to send a guy who was strong, silent and
striking." -- Fran Hawk, Charleston.

***

"Well Mrs. Svenson, Thor was misdiagnosed with E.D." -- John & Nancy Atkinson.

***

"He was on a cell phone when the doctor said he should take up biking!" -- Susan Brady.

***

"Well, who'd you expect to meet on 'LoveWarriors.com?'" -- Ginger Lockwood, Charleston.

***

"He's so stubborn . I keep telling him his days of pillaging are over." -- Annie Devine, Summerville.

***

Here's a group from Bill Troiani:

1. "He just can't accept the fact that Sanjaya was kicked off American Idol!"

2. "First he had a very bad pillaging season and now his Prozac isn't even working!"

3. "He said his favorite football team really sucks!"

4. "He's still ticked off about Columbus getting credit for discovering America!"

5. "He's been pouting like this since the Imus In The Morning show was booted from the airwaves!"

6. "The Cialis only lasts 36 hours. How can I choose the right time if she never shuts up?"

***

"But Doris! When you said I should get into "biking," I thought you said "Viking!" -- Lynn Rodriguez, Charleston.

***

"Oh, he's been that way ever since I applied for a Capital One card!" -- Susan Murray.

***

"He's mad because he can't get Brunnhilde to stop smoking."

"He's so annoying....he knows he's lost, but he won't ask for directions."

-- both from Anna Boulden

***

"I ordered a Viking dishwasher on eBay!"

and

"I meant to order a Viking range!"

-- both from Jim Tapager

***

"In a moment of passion i compare him to a Viking and now...." -- M Bravo, Goose Creek.

***

Here's a group from Judie Kalbach
of Summerville:

" He's waiting for his ship to come in "
or
" He is left over from our last costume party "
or
" Now I know why the couch was on sale "
or
" He is a salesman for long term health insurance "

***

"His father and I have seen him go through his StarTrek and Spiderman phase, but Erik's latest pillage-and-plunder phase is the hardest for us to understand." -- Jean Spencer, West Ashley.

***

" And who suggested the family reunion?" -- Betty Robinson, North Charleston.

***

"Look Velda, I'm at a loss for words as to why Sven's screen test was beat out by effeminate cave-men. Other companies are bound to need a spokesperson." -- Andy Schreckengost

***

"We met at the mall. Olaf asked 'What's in you wallet?' and I knew he was the one for me!" -- Dan Leclair

***

from cmay22:

"This is Harold's anti-metro sexual look."

"I'm thinking that maybe I should call in Carson Kressley."

***

"When I said I'd always wanted a fiery, hot Viking; I was referring to a cooktop!" -- BobRo86.

***

Thor thinks you need to be more sensative and stop meeting him at the door asking "What's in your wallet?" -- Bob Barnett

***

"I wouldn't worry too much, Amelia. Most men his age manifest some form of mid-life crisis." -- Merrie Southgate.

Remember, you've got until Tuesday afternoon at 5 p.m. to get your entries in.

Daniel

Here are Jeff Jacobs' entries:

Hey, the way I see it, you spend 10 grand on a stove and they better send someone over once a month to clean it.

He's just mad because I'm making him take me to the movies and tonight's his night to plunder with the boys.

I've gotten used to the hat and the tacky outfit, but his table manors are atrocious.

It's causing real problems down at the yacht club.... They've agreed to let him wear the outfit, but we've got until Sunday to take the dragon off the front of the boat.

I can't tell you how embarrassed I was... When the Coast Guard rescued us he told them I was "the whipper".

Oh, just ignore him.... He's still bummed from last night because I cooked his bird.... He said it was a falcon, but I gotta tell ya.... tasted like chicken!

I tell you, Blanche, I'm at my wits end..... This exchange program sounded so good when we sent little Mimsi off to Norway.

I assured him the neighbors all know we have a very expensive stove, but he insists on flaunting it.


It's easy once you learn their language.... I just told him if he doesn't get his butt off the sofa and mow the lawn, there's going to be a Viking funeral.

The doctor says it's an identity crisis..... He thinks he's Kirk Douglas.

You should see our headboard..... looks like Swiss cheese.

Daniel

Several from Chuck Washington of St. Stephen:

"Now honey! Your father is very firm on this. You cannot go on that weekend village raid. That means no killing. No raping. No mayhem and no debauchery. You're grounded."

or

"Yeah gal! I must admit he has it all. A fantastic warship and an ass-kicking crew. But ask yourself -- is he good with kids?"

or

"Oh girl, he's OK! Believe me! I've dated white guys, black guys, Middle Eastern guys and even an Australian aborigine. They're all barbarians. At least this guy dresses the part."

or

"Now I'm am sure he is a fine you man. But I must be frank, Marge! Can he really provide for you just sailing the seven seas in search of high adventure?"

or

"Pearl, sugar. I'm gonna be a bit forward and speak my mind. I think you're putting too much trust in these online dating services."

Now some more e-mail entries...

"Oh don't mind Gar..I lied and told him we were going to see DR. Phil." -- John and Nancy Atkinson.

***

"Just look at what all this dragging me around by my hair has done to my 'doo!" -- danny boland.

***

"Look, sweetheart, things were different in my day. It was OK to marry a Viking." -- Paige Stowell,
West Ashley.

And finally, five from June Griggs of North Charleston:

"Hagar, Simpsons and Ugly Betty party?"

"Hagar The Horrible's Brother?"

"Trick Or Treat?"

"I told you casual, not Sunday Best!"

"He's definitely from the wrong side of the tracks!"

I'm rounding up the finalists now for this week's guest judge, Harriet McLeod of Good Morning Lowcountry.

Daniel

And wrapping up...

"...And I just found him sitting there wearing nothing but his hat and his ax." -- Carina Ucciferri.

***

"Oh, there's nothing to worry about. Vikings have been as misunderstood as Cavemen. He's just upset they're out of quiche." -- Carolyn Ferrell

Now, not to suck up to y'all (which, by the way, is not to say that I'm above sucking up to y'all), but this was a very good contest. And, as usual, when the going gets tough, the tough pass the job along to someone else. Hence the "guest judge."

Anybody else who wants to add more captions, please feel free to do so here in comments. But the official contest is now officially closed. Amen.

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