Friday 5

Follow-up file: Pop-Ramen, Noonan and the Rah-Men

Last week’s edition brought you advice on what to do with your Thanksgiving leftovers (here’s our advice on what to do with those leftovers this week: COMPOST THEM), and it included the chorus to a song about Ramen Noodles that we once heard on an alternative radio station in another state:

Ramen Noodles
Must be made in heaven
For nary a dollar
I can buy me seven

Well, it turns out that both the writer of those lyrics and the musician who recorded them both lived here in the Lowcountry.

Here's the extended story...

Columnist, philosopher and stand-up comedian Tom “Noonan” Werner (Noonan was his stage name) of the Isle of Palms first published An Ode to Ramen Noodles 10 or 12 years ago in his “Rude, Crude, Guy Food” column in Charleston’s Free Time newspaper. He describes the column as something that would be equally at home in both the bathroom and the kitchen.

A local musician named Allen “Alpo” Porche approached Werner about setting the lyrics to a reggae beat. One thing led to another and the track (which also featured Teddy Prause, these days the guitarist for Steve Carroll and the Bograts, and Noonan/Werner giving a "spoken-word" commentary) headlined the self-produced Pop Ramen EP by “Noonan and the Rah-Men.”

Anyway, Prause noticed the chorus in last week’s paper, and — ta da! — mystery solved. We wound up on the phone with Noonan/Werner, trying unravel/remember the history of the Ode to Ramen Noodles lyric, the recording, the musicians, and whatever happened to all that time.

Also mysterious: I remember hearing part of the song on a public radio station in another state, which seemed like news to Tom. The record never had a label and didn't get airplay. He was certainly surprised that I'd heard it in North Carolina -- so surprised, in fact, that ever since then I've been trying to figure out if my memory is playing tricks on me. Thing is, I can't imagine where else I might have heard it.

Back in those days, Tom was working on an idea called "Broke and Brilliant," and you can still find some of it online (another chunk was lost in a computer crash), and the Ramen song fits into that theme nicely.

Today he goes by Tom Werner professionally in his work with a flooring company called Charleston One Source (the Environmentally Friendly Wood Specialists) and even has real business cards that he hands out.  So it looks like he's moving up in the world.

But I feel for the guy. As he put it when he dropped by the audio file for this post:

TOM: "You know that thing about how if your work touches just one person, it was worth it?"

DAN: "Yeah?"

TOM: "I'm not feeling that so much right now."

Because I'd hate that too. I'm not exactly the prize in anyone's box of Cracker Jacks.

Anyway, here's your Ramen Noodles song. Enjoy. And if you like it, tell Tom. He could probably use a few more fans.

Tourists ask the darnest things

Veteran tour guide Tom Doyle of Palmetto Carriage Co. puts it this way: “The most dangerous tourist is the one who comes with a little bit of knowledge.” The “dangerous” part may be up for debate, but these partially informed visitors are certainly the most entertaining.

Does this carriage tour go to Fort Sumter?
While most people who visit Charleston are aware that the Civil War began with the Southern attack on Fort Sumter, the geography of the harbor and its most famous fort often seems to elude them. Even Fort Sumter Tours, the outfit that runs the boats out to the island landmark encounters this one. “They often say ‘I don’t want to take the boat tour, I just want to tour the fort,” said Donna Moulton, the company’s group sales manager. But the prize for Most Confused Tourist probably goes to the satisfied visitor who went on and on to Moulton about the nice lunch she’d eaten at Fort Sumter. “I finally figured out she was talking about California Dreaming.”
Photo: That's Fort Sumter in the upper-lefthand corner. D'oh! (Brad Nettles/Staff)

Where were the slaves sold at the City Market?
For some reason many tourists arrive in Charleston with the impression — in some cases, even the firm conviction — that the City Market was where slaves were sold. “That’s just not true,” said Dennis Stiles of the Original Charleston Walks. Slaves were sold elsewhere downtown — outdoors, mostly — but the city’s most famous market was never more than a free farmer’s market during the ante bellum period. “Slaves used to run the place,” said Linda Wohlfeil of Absolutely Charleston, “and you had house slaves going there to do the shopping. I think what happened was the meaning got misconstrued.”
Photo: LeRoy Burnell/Staff

Why are your houses so skinny?
It’s apparently common knowledge among tourists that the Charleston Single House style of architecture is based on a colonial street frontage tax, an entertaining historical factoid that has the distinct disadvantage of being utterly unsupported by facts. “That came from a Triple A travel writer in the 1970s,” said Tommy Dew of On The Market Tours/Tommy Dew’s History Walk. “Our narrowness came from the fact that we were a walled city and that forced them to cut really narrow lots.” Visitors also want to know why the locals “don’t fix these buildings up” and “who lives in all these houses?” Says tour guide Robert Switz of Old Towne Carriage Co.: “I tell them ‘Real people,’ but sometimes if I’m joking around I’ll tell them ‘Carriage drivers.’”

How many ghosts will we see on the tour?
Lisa Harper-Berezny has been in the business for 16 years, but she really started hearing this one when she started giving ghost walks for Bulldog Tours. “I tend to say it depends on the number of cocktails you have first. I tell them we don’t guarantee the number of ghosts you’ll see on the tour.” Among her other favorites: “You’re sitting on a carriage in the market, and they’ll walk up and ask ‘Do you give tours of Charleston?’ So you say, ‘No, we give tours of Savannah.’” Or “Can you tell me how to get to the old church?” and “‘Will my children be scared?’ Well, I don’t know. You know your children better than I do.”
Photo: Alan Hawes/Staff

Why do you shave your trees?
Not every silly question comes from a misconception about local history. Sometimes people are just plain befuddled. Like the woman who, upon seeing her first crepe myrtle, asked Greg Barrow of Classic Carriage Tours why Charlestonians shave their trees. “You just try not to make them feel like an idiot. You do your best to explain what it is.” But really, how would you answer a question like “How old were these houses when they were built?” or “How do you get all your flags to fly in the same direction?” Or how about this clicher: “If Charleston is so historic, why haven’t we read about it in the history books?” Answers, please, on a post card.
Photo: Wade Spees/Staff

Breakfast, 24/7

Friday 5 wants to know...

Where are the best places where you can get breakfast 24/7 around the Lowcountry?

The availability of coffee, eggs and toast are a must, but beyond that, we're willing to stretch this category depending on your suggestions. Basically, we're looking for places where you can get grits and hashbrowns at 3 a.m., or fill-up just after sunrise, or start your morning in the afternoon, because that's when your day just happens to begin.

Leave your suggestions, impressions, links and arguments in the Comments section below. If we get good info here, a 5 List could be coming to a Friday section soon...